Kids Say the Darn'dest Things

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:

"The big sissy."

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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

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A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew.

She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer. She's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's an actor.'"

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."

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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.

Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes miss." the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."

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On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."

A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"



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Banzai Harakiri