_______________
Banzai Harakiri
mandag 31. januar 2011
Hilarious Computer Quotes
This is a bit nerdy, I know....
"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."
"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."
"unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep" - my daily unix command list
"To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."
"If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."
"Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."
"COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods."
“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.” — Michael Sinz
"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."
"Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer." - Erik Naggum
"People say Microsoft paid 14M$ for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft payed 14M$ only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn't use the line 'You'll make a grown man cry'."
"The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s2."
"1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d"
"Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something."
"The box said 'Required Windows 95 or better'. So, I installed LINUX."
"Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows."
"Dating a girl is just like writing software. Everything's going to work just fine in the testing lab (dating), but as soon as you have contract with a customer (marriage), then your program (life) is going to be facing new situations you never expected. You'll be forced to patch the code (admit you're wrong) and then the code (wife) will just end up all bloated and unmaintainable in the end."
"The term reboot comes from the middle age (before computers). Horses who stopped in mid-stride required a boot to the rear to start again. Thus the term to rear-boot, later abbreviated into reboot."
"Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code."
"The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones."
"Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you."
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."
"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."
"unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep" - my daily unix command list
"To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."
"If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."
"Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."
"COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods."
“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.” — Michael Sinz
"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."
"Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer." - Erik Naggum
"People say Microsoft paid 14M$ for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft payed 14M$ only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn't use the line 'You'll make a grown man cry'."
"The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s2."
"1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d"
"Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something."
"The box said 'Required Windows 95 or better'. So, I installed LINUX."
"Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows."
"Dating a girl is just like writing software. Everything's going to work just fine in the testing lab (dating), but as soon as you have contract with a customer (marriage), then your program (life) is going to be facing new situations you never expected. You'll be forced to patch the code (admit you're wrong) and then the code (wife) will just end up all bloated and unmaintainable in the end."
"The term reboot comes from the middle age (before computers). Horses who stopped in mid-stride required a boot to the rear to start again. Thus the term to rear-boot, later abbreviated into reboot."
"Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code."
"The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones."
"Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you."
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
torsdag 27. januar 2011
onsdag 26. januar 2011
tirsdag 25. januar 2011
fredag 21. januar 2011
Life Cycle
I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy; go and collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last nine months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an 0rgasm.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
You get kicked out for being too healthy; go and collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last nine months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an 0rgasm.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
torsdag 20. januar 2011
Bart's Chalkboard Gags
This is a little long, but what a list!
Season 1
* I will not waste chalk
* I will not skateboard in the halls
* I will not burp in class
* I will not instigate revolution
* I will not draw naked ladies in class
* I did not see Elvis
* I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
* Garlic gum is not funny
* They are laughing at me, not with me
* I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
Season 2
* I will not encourage others to fly
* I will not fake my way through life
* Tar is not a plaything
* I will not Xerox my butt
* It's potato, not potatoe
* I will not trade pants with others
* I am not a 32 year old woman
* I will not do that thing with my tongue
* I will not drive the principal's car
* I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
* I will not sell school property
* I will not cut corners
" " " " " "
" " " " " "
* I will not get very far with this attitude
* I will not make flatuent noises in class
* I will not belch the National Anthem
* I will not sell land in Florida
* I will not grease the monkey bars
* I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
* I will not do anything bad ever again
* I will not show off (written in Olde English style font)
* I will not sleep through my education
Season 3
* I am not a dentist
* Spitwads are not free speech
* Nobody likes sunburn slappers
* High explosives and school don't mix
* I will not bribe Principal Skinner
* I will not squeak chalk (Chalk squeaks as he writes)
* I will finish what I sta
* "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
* I will not fake rabies
* Underwear should be worn on the inside
* The Christmas Pageant does not stink
* I will not torment the emotionally frail
* I will not carve gods
* I will not spank others
* I will not aim for the head
* I will not barf unless I'm sick
* I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
* I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
* I will not conduct my own fire drills
* Funny noises are not funny
* I will not spin the turtle
* I will not snap bras
* I will not fake seizures
Season 4
* This punishment is not boring and pointless
* My name is not Dr. Death
* I will not defame New Orleans
* I will not prescribe medication
* I will not bury the new kid
* I will not teach others to fly
* I will not bring sheep to class
* A burp is not an answer
* Teacher is not a leper
* Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less and less legible; the last line is a scrawl)
* I will not eat things for money
* I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
* The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
* I will not call the principal "spud head"
* Goldfish don't bounce
* Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
* No one is interested in my underpants
* I will not sell miracle cures
* I will return the seeing-eye dog
* I do not have diplomatic immunity
* I will not charge admission to the bathroom
Season 5
* I will never win an Emmy
* The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
* All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
* I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
* I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
* My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
* I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
* I am not delightfully saucy
* Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
* The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
* I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
* There are plenty of businesses like show business
* I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
* Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Season 6
* Beans are neither fruit nor musical
* I will not use abbrev.
* I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
* I will not send lard through the mail
* I will not dissect things unless instructed
* I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
* Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
* Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
* "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
* Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
* Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
* I will not hang donuts on my person
* I will remember to take my medication
* I will not strut around like I own the place
* The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
* I do not have power of attorney over first graders
* Nerve gas is not a toy
* I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
* The First Amendment does not cover burping
* This is not a clue...or is it?
Season 7
* I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
* "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
* No one wants to hear from my armpits
* I am not a lean mean spitting machine
* The boys room is not a water park
* Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
* Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
* I will only do this once a year (referring to clip shows)
* I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
* I am not certified to remove asbestos
Season 8
* I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
* I am not my long-lost twin
* The truth is not out there
* I am not licensed to do anything
* I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
* A fire drill does not demand a fire
Season 9
* I no longer want my MTV
* Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
* I did not invent Irish dancing
* I will not tease Fatty
* There was no Roman god named "Farticus"
* Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
* Shooting paintballs is not an art form
* Pain is not the cleanser
* Silly String is not a nasal spray
* I was not told to do this
* My butt does not deserve a website
* I will not demand what I'm worth
* I will not mess with the opening credits (This appeared in place of the couch opening; the rest of the family runs into the classroom)
* I am not the new Dalai Lama
* I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
Season 10
* I will not file frivolous lawsuits
* "butt.butt" is not my E-mail address
* No one cares what my definition of "is" is
* I will not scream for ice cream
* I am not a licensed hairstylist
* "The President did it" is not an excuse
* My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
* Sherri does not "got back"
* I will not do the Dirty Bird
* No one wants to hear about my sciatica
* Hillbillies are people too
* Grammar is not a time of waste
* It does not suck to be you
* I cannot absolve sins
* A trained ape could not teach gym
* Loose teeth don't need my help
* I have neither been there nor done that
* I am so very tired
Season 11
* Fridays are not "pants optional"
* Pork is not a verb
* I am not the last Don
* I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
* I won't not use no double negatives
* I can't see dead people
* I will not sell my kidney on eBay
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Season 1
* I will not waste chalk
* I will not skateboard in the halls
* I will not burp in class
* I will not instigate revolution
* I will not draw naked ladies in class
* I did not see Elvis
* I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
* Garlic gum is not funny
* They are laughing at me, not with me
* I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
Season 2
* I will not encourage others to fly
* I will not fake my way through life
* Tar is not a plaything
* I will not Xerox my butt
* It's potato, not potatoe
* I will not trade pants with others
* I am not a 32 year old woman
* I will not do that thing with my tongue
* I will not drive the principal's car
* I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
* I will not sell school property
* I will not cut corners
" " " " " "
" " " " " "
* I will not get very far with this attitude
* I will not make flatuent noises in class
* I will not belch the National Anthem
* I will not sell land in Florida
* I will not grease the monkey bars
* I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
* I will not do anything bad ever again
* I will not show off (written in Olde English style font)
* I will not sleep through my education
Season 3
* I am not a dentist
* Spitwads are not free speech
* Nobody likes sunburn slappers
* High explosives and school don't mix
* I will not bribe Principal Skinner
* I will not squeak chalk (Chalk squeaks as he writes)
* I will finish what I sta
* "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
* I will not fake rabies
* Underwear should be worn on the inside
* The Christmas Pageant does not stink
* I will not torment the emotionally frail
* I will not carve gods
* I will not spank others
* I will not aim for the head
* I will not barf unless I'm sick
* I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
* I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
* I will not conduct my own fire drills
* Funny noises are not funny
* I will not spin the turtle
* I will not snap bras
* I will not fake seizures
Season 4
* This punishment is not boring and pointless
* My name is not Dr. Death
* I will not defame New Orleans
* I will not prescribe medication
* I will not bury the new kid
* I will not teach others to fly
* I will not bring sheep to class
* A burp is not an answer
* Teacher is not a leper
* Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less and less legible; the last line is a scrawl)
* I will not eat things for money
* I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
* The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
* I will not call the principal "spud head"
* Goldfish don't bounce
* Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
* No one is interested in my underpants
* I will not sell miracle cures
* I will return the seeing-eye dog
* I do not have diplomatic immunity
* I will not charge admission to the bathroom
Season 5
* I will never win an Emmy
* The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
* All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
* I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
* I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
* My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
* I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
* I am not delightfully saucy
* Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
* The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
* I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
* There are plenty of businesses like show business
* I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
* Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Season 6
* Beans are neither fruit nor musical
* I will not use abbrev.
* I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
* I will not send lard through the mail
* I will not dissect things unless instructed
* I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
* Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
* Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
* "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
* Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
* Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
* I will not hang donuts on my person
* I will remember to take my medication
* I will not strut around like I own the place
* The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
* I do not have power of attorney over first graders
* Nerve gas is not a toy
* I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
* The First Amendment does not cover burping
* This is not a clue...or is it?
Season 7
* I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
* "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
* No one wants to hear from my armpits
* I am not a lean mean spitting machine
* The boys room is not a water park
* Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
* Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
* I will only do this once a year (referring to clip shows)
* I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
* I am not certified to remove asbestos
Season 8
* I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
* I am not my long-lost twin
* The truth is not out there
* I am not licensed to do anything
* I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
* A fire drill does not demand a fire
Season 9
* I no longer want my MTV
* Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
* I did not invent Irish dancing
* I will not tease Fatty
* There was no Roman god named "Farticus"
* Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
* Shooting paintballs is not an art form
* Pain is not the cleanser
* Silly String is not a nasal spray
* I was not told to do this
* My butt does not deserve a website
* I will not demand what I'm worth
* I will not mess with the opening credits (This appeared in place of the couch opening; the rest of the family runs into the classroom)
* I am not the new Dalai Lama
* I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
Season 10
* I will not file frivolous lawsuits
* "butt.butt" is not my E-mail address
* No one cares what my definition of "is" is
* I will not scream for ice cream
* I am not a licensed hairstylist
* "The President did it" is not an excuse
* My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
* Sherri does not "got back"
* I will not do the Dirty Bird
* No one wants to hear about my sciatica
* Hillbillies are people too
* Grammar is not a time of waste
* It does not suck to be you
* I cannot absolve sins
* A trained ape could not teach gym
* Loose teeth don't need my help
* I have neither been there nor done that
* I am so very tired
Season 11
* Fridays are not "pants optional"
* Pork is not a verb
* I am not the last Don
* I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
* I won't not use no double negatives
* I can't see dead people
* I will not sell my kidney on eBay
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
onsdag 19. januar 2011
Chinese proverbs...
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
I have no idea where this is...
or the meaning of the sculpture, but its waay cool :-)
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
tirsdag 11. januar 2011
torsdag 6. januar 2011
tirsdag 4. januar 2011
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