Natural engergy...

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Banzai Harakiri

Best excuse yet...

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Banzai Harakiri

A Computer story

Computer:Monitor, display this document, ok?

Monitor: No prob, boss.

Computer: OK, now it looks like Mouse is moving around so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly?

Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.

Computer: Great, great. OK, Mouse, where are you going now?

Mouse: Over to the icon panel, sir.

Computer: Hmm, Let me know if he clicks anything, OK?

Mouse: Of course.

Keyboard: Sir, he’s pressed control and P simultaneously.

Monitor: Oh God, here we go.

Computer: i>sighs Printer, are you there?

Printer: No.

Computer: Please, Printer. I know you’re there.

Printer: NO! I’m not here! Leave me alone!

Computer: Jesus. OK look, you really ne…

Mouse: Sir, he’s clicked on the printer icon.

Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.

Printer: NO! NO! NO! I don’t want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I’m turning off!

Computer: Printer, you know you can’t turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we’ll leave you alone.

Printer: NO! That’s what you always say! I hate you! I’m out of ink!

Computer: You’re not out of in…

Printer: I’M OUT OF INK!

Computer: span style=“font-style: italic;”>Sighs Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.

Monitor: But sir, he has plen…

Computer: Just do it, damn it!

Monitor: Yes sir.

Keyboard: AHHH! He’s hitting me!

Computer: Stay calm, he’ll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.

Keyboard: He’s pressing everything. Oh god, I don’t know, he’s just pressing everything!

Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now?! Do you see what you’ve done?!

Printer: HA! that’s what you get for trying to get me to do work. Next time he…hey…HEY! He’s trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh my god! He’s torn out my cartridge! HELP! Please! ERROR!

Monitor: Sir, maybe we should help him?

Computer: No. He did this to himself.


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Banzai Harakiri

Wall-E meets....

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Banzai Harakiri

Fix it yourself...

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Banzai Harakiri

accidentally offensive Web site names.

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Banzai Harakiri

Signs...

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Banzai Harakiri

Strange Young Couple

A Texas DPS Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.
He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.
He also immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, he walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's side window.
The young man lowers his window and mutters, "Uh, yes, Officer"?
The trooper asks: 'What are you doing'?
The young man says: 'Well, Sir, I'm reading a magazine'.
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat, the trooper says: 'And her in the back, what is she doing'?
The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails'.
Now the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone in a car at night, in a lover's lane ... and nothing obscene is happening! The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man'?
The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir'. The trooper asks: 'And her ... what's her age'?
The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes...

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Banzai Harakiri

Obama - Modern Warfare 2...

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Banzai Harakiri

Twilight review..

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Banzai Harakiri

Close combat...

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Banzai Harakiri

The truth...

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Banzai Harakiri

Pie chart...

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Banzai Harakiri

All you need to make techno music...

Yes, I'm a metalhead :-)

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Banzai Harakiri

Printer problem...

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Banzai Harakiri

Genetic Analysis

More from this crazy serie at xkcd.com
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Banzai Harakiri

STFU

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Banzai Harakiri

Bart's Chalkboard Gags

This is a little long, but what a list!

Season 1

* I will not waste chalk
* I will not skateboard in the halls
* I will not burp in class
* I will not instigate revolution
* I will not draw naked ladies in class
* I did not see Elvis
* I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
* Garlic gum is not funny
* They are laughing at me, not with me
* I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom

Season 2

* I will not encourage others to fly
* I will not fake my way through life
* Tar is not a plaything
* I will not Xerox my butt
* It's potato, not potatoe
* I will not trade pants with others
* I am not a 32 year old woman
* I will not do that thing with my tongue
* I will not drive the principal's car
* I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
* I will not sell school property
* I will not cut corners

" " " " " "
" " " " " "

* I will not get very far with this attitude
* I will not make flatuent noises in class
* I will not belch the National Anthem
* I will not sell land in Florida
* I will not grease the monkey bars
* I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
* I will not do anything bad ever again
* I will not show off (written in Olde English style font)
* I will not sleep through my education

Season 3

* I am not a dentist
* Spitwads are not free speech
* Nobody likes sunburn slappers
* High explosives and school don't mix
* I will not bribe Principal Skinner
* I will not squeak chalk (Chalk squeaks as he writes)
* I will finish what I sta
* "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
* I will not fake rabies
* Underwear should be worn on the inside
* The Christmas Pageant does not stink
* I will not torment the emotionally frail
* I will not carve gods
* I will not spank others
* I will not aim for the head
* I will not barf unless I'm sick
* I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
* I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
* I will not conduct my own fire drills
* Funny noises are not funny
* I will not spin the turtle
* I will not snap bras
* I will not fake seizures

Season 4

* This punishment is not boring and pointless
* My name is not Dr. Death
* I will not defame New Orleans
* I will not prescribe medication
* I will not bury the new kid
* I will not teach others to fly
* I will not bring sheep to class
* A burp is not an answer
* Teacher is not a leper
* Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less and less legible; the last line is a scrawl)
* I will not eat things for money
* I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
* The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
* I will not call the principal "spud head"
* Goldfish don't bounce
* Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
* No one is interested in my underpants
* I will not sell miracle cures
* I will return the seeing-eye dog
* I do not have diplomatic immunity
* I will not charge admission to the bathroom

Season 5

* I will never win an Emmy
* The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
* All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
* I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
* I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
* My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
* I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
* I am not delightfully saucy
* Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
* The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
* I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
* There are plenty of businesses like show business
* I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
* Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

Season 6

* Beans are neither fruit nor musical
* I will not use abbrev.
* I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
* I will not send lard through the mail
* I will not dissect things unless instructed
* I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
* Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
* Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
* "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
* Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
* Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
* I will not hang donuts on my person
* I will remember to take my medication
* I will not strut around like I own the place
* The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
* I do not have power of attorney over first graders
* Nerve gas is not a toy
* I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
* The First Amendment does not cover burping
* This is not a clue...or is it?

Season 7

* I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
* "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
* No one wants to hear from my armpits
* I am not a lean mean spitting machine
* The boys room is not a water park
* Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
* Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
* I will only do this once a year (referring to clip shows)
* I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
* I am not certified to remove asbestos

Season 8

* I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
* I am not my long-lost twin
* The truth is not out there
* I am not licensed to do anything
* I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
* A fire drill does not demand a fire

Season 9

* I no longer want my MTV
* Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
* I did not invent Irish dancing
* I will not tease Fatty
* There was no Roman god named "Farticus"
* Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
* Shooting paintballs is not an art form
* Pain is not the cleanser
* Silly String is not a nasal spray
* I was not told to do this
* My butt does not deserve a website
* I will not demand what I'm worth
* I will not mess with the opening credits (This appeared in place of the couch opening; the rest of the family runs into the classroom)
* I am not the new Dalai Lama
* I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"

Season 10

* I will not file frivolous lawsuits
* "butt.butt" is not my E-mail address
* No one cares what my definition of "is" is
* I will not scream for ice cream
* I am not a licensed hairstylist
* "The President did it" is not an excuse
* My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
* Sherri does not "got back"
* I will not do the Dirty Bird
* No one wants to hear about my sciatica
* Hillbillies are people too
* Grammar is not a time of waste
* It does not suck to be you
* I cannot absolve sins
* A trained ape could not teach gym
* Loose teeth don't need my help
* I have neither been there nor done that
* I am so very tired

Season 11

* Fridays are not "pants optional"
* Pork is not a verb
* I am not the last Don
* I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
* I won't not use no double negatives
* I can't see dead people
* I will not sell my kidney on eBay



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Banzai Harakiri

Chinese proverbs...

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.


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Banzai Harakiri

'Movie' posters...

Mashup movie-style






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Banzai Harakiri