Hilarious Computer Quotes

This is a bit nerdy, I know....


"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."

"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

"unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep" - my daily unix command list

"To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."

"If brute force doesn't solve your problems, then you aren't using enough."

"Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are."

"COBOL programmers understand why women hate periods."

“Programming is like sex, one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.” — Michael Sinz

"There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

"Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer." - Erik Naggum

"People say Microsoft paid 14M$ for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft payed 14M$ only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn't use the line 'You'll make a grown man cry'."

"The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s2."

"1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d"

"Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something."

"The box said 'Required Windows 95 or better'. So, I installed LINUX."

"Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows."

"Dating a girl is just like writing software. Everything's going to work just fine in the testing lab (dating), but as soon as you have contract with a customer (marriage), then your program (life) is going to be facing new situations you never expected. You'll be forced to patch the code (admit you're wrong) and then the code (wife) will just end up all bloated and unmaintainable in the end."

"The term reboot comes from the middle age (before computers). Horses who stopped in mid-stride required a boot to the rear to start again. Thus the term to rear-boot, later abbreviated into reboot."

"Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code."

"The great thing about Object Oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones."

"Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you."
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Banzai Harakiri