Heard During Colonoscopy

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

* I usually don't do this on the first date.

* "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

* "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

* "Can you hear me now?"

* "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

* "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

* "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

* "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out, you put your left and in and you shake it all about...."

* "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

* "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

* "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

* "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

And the best one of them all...

* "Could you write a note for my wife saying that, in your considered medical opinion, my head is not up there?"

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Banzai Harakiri