_______________
Banzai Harakiri
torsdag 23. juli 2009
The point of God...
From an irc chat:
:Deffy> Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy.
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Banzai Harakiri
:Deffy> Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
søndag 19. juli 2009
Life before the computer
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
The Code of Men.
I cannot take credit for this masterwork. I am not sure how many legions of brave men died writing this. It first appeared in Maxim, the best magazine ever written. It was sent to me by the very manly Tian Tang of Arizona State University.
1. Thou shall not rent Chocolat
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call “Bullshit!” Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%
7. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering a friend’s birthday is strictly optional.)
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddies ex, you are required to ask his permission; and he, in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem — you didn’t see nothin’.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddies’ girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pals (significant dick-heads — low level sports bonding) is all the law requires.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach. And it’s delivered by a topless supermodel. And it’s free.
20. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin,” you may sit back and enjoy.
23. Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: “Yeah, baby, push it!” “C’mon, give me one more!” “Harder!” “Another set and we can hit the showers.” “Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?”
25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.
26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be referring to his beer.
27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she’s withholding sex pending your response.
28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him ... too gay.
30. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “Fuck off!” You are absolved of your of responsibility.
31. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
32. In Black Jack, always split aces and eights. No arguments.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
1. Thou shall not rent Chocolat
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call “Bullshit!” Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%
7. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering a friend’s birthday is strictly optional.)
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddies ex, you are required to ask his permission; and he, in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem — you didn’t see nothin’.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddies’ girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pals (significant dick-heads — low level sports bonding) is all the law requires.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach. And it’s delivered by a topless supermodel. And it’s free.
20. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin,” you may sit back and enjoy.
23. Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: “Yeah, baby, push it!” “C’mon, give me one more!” “Harder!” “Another set and we can hit the showers.” “Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?”
25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.
26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be referring to his beer.
27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she’s withholding sex pending your response.
28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him ... too gay.
30. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “Fuck off!” You are absolved of your of responsibility.
31. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
32. In Black Jack, always split aces and eights. No arguments.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Error Messages From Japan
Here are 16 actual error messages seen on the computer screens in Japan, where they are written in Haiku.
The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.
-------------------------------------------------
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
-------------------------------------------------
Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.
-------------------------------------------------
Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
-------------------------------------------------
Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
-------------------------------------------------
Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
-------------------------------------------------
Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.
-------------------------------------------------
A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
-------------------------------------------------
Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred.
-------------------------------------------------
You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here.
-------------------------------------------------
Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.
-------------------------------------------------
Having been erased, The document you're seeking must now be retyped.
-------------------------------------------------
Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.
-------------------------------------------------
Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.
-------------------------------------------------
Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.
-------------------------------------------------
Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.
-------------------------------------------------
Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.
-------------------------------------------------
Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.
-------------------------------------------------
Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.
-------------------------------------------------
A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.
-------------------------------------------------
Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred.
-------------------------------------------------
You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here.
-------------------------------------------------
Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.
-------------------------------------------------
Having been erased, The document you're seeking must now be retyped.
-------------------------------------------------
Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Ad with John Cleese...
This is one of the weirdest ads I have seen....
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
fredag 17. juli 2009
To be six again...
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.
‘I’d like to be six again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early,made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and-then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being six again?’
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ’I meant my dress size, you retard!!!’
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
‘I’d like to be six again’, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early,made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and-then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, ‘Well Dear, what was it like being six again?’
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. ’I meant my dress size, you retard!!!’
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
torsdag 16. juli 2009
The real reason behind the American recession
Obama - Please put a lot of money to education... you people need it :-)
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
tirsdag 14. juli 2009
Are You Alright?
Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case.
The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing.
Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing.
Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Comeback Line of the Year
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Bacon Nazi
People should have been locked up just for thinking out this one...
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
mandag 13. juli 2009
The Fall of a Chocolate Rabbit
This is kind of creepy... but still its just chocolate.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Thats when the fight started...
I heard my wife crying in the bathroom. 'Honey? What's wrong' I asked.
'Oh, George! Just look at me: I'm getting so old! I have more gray in my hair than blonde, I have varicose veins on both of my legs, and I'm just fat and wrinkled all over! I really need someone to say something positive about me right now!'
I looked deeply into her eyes and said softly: 'Your vision's real good, honey. That's something, isn't it?'
And that's when the fight started....
--------------------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She was my senior year girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started....
----------------------
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
--------------------------
I got home late one night to see my wife standing angrily in the hallway brandishing a broom.
I said "So, are you actuall cleaning, or just about to fly somewhere?
And that's when the fight started.....
--------------------------
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And that's how the fight started.....
---------------------------
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her Not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.
And then the fight started.....
---------------------------
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....
---------------------------
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started ...
-------------------------------
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
-------------------------------
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
'Oh, George! Just look at me: I'm getting so old! I have more gray in my hair than blonde, I have varicose veins on both of my legs, and I'm just fat and wrinkled all over! I really need someone to say something positive about me right now!'
I looked deeply into her eyes and said softly: 'Your vision's real good, honey. That's something, isn't it?'
And that's when the fight started....
--------------------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She was my senior year girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started....
----------------------
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....
--------------------------
I got home late one night to see my wife standing angrily in the hallway brandishing a broom.
I said "So, are you actuall cleaning, or just about to fly somewhere?
And that's when the fight started.....
--------------------------
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And that's how the fight started.....
---------------------------
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her Not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.
And then the fight started.....
---------------------------
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....
---------------------------
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started ...
-------------------------------
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
-------------------------------
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Twisted Princess
This was made by Artist Jeffrey Thomas, and he has more
artwork at deviantart.com. Check him out!
Click the pics for bigger versions
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
artwork at deviantart.com. Check him out!
Click the pics for bigger versions
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Reporter tries to file a report...
...the soldiers behind him is burning weed....
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
fredag 10. juli 2009
Cartoons - drawn by others...
What if the cartoons had been drawn by others?
Click pictures for bigger version
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Click pictures for bigger version
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
The Fence
A husband and wife are out for a drive through the countryside. They reach a familiar spot, and the wife says: "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here 40 years ago!" The husband stops the car. He backs his wife up against the fence, and he immediately jumps her like a bass on a Junebug. They make love like never before. She was SCREAMING and GYRATING, and SHAKING uncontrollably.
When it was over, much to her husband's surprise, she FAINTED! After he revived her and got her back into the car, the husband, quite astounded, says: "Darlin', you sure never reacted like that 40 years ago-or ANYTIME SINCE that I can remember." The woman, gasping for breath, is finally able to speak. She says: "FORTY YEARS AGO, THAT DAMNED FENCE WASN'T ELECTRIFIED!
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
When it was over, much to her husband's surprise, she FAINTED! After he revived her and got her back into the car, the husband, quite astounded, says: "Darlin', you sure never reacted like that 40 years ago-or ANYTIME SINCE that I can remember." The woman, gasping for breath, is finally able to speak. She says: "FORTY YEARS AGO, THAT DAMNED FENCE WASN'T ELECTRIFIED!
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Bad translation
When your translation-dude aint doing his job properly... :-)
This is an ad for a mouth and throat cooling liquid of some sort...
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
This is an ad for a mouth and throat cooling liquid of some sort...
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
søndag 5. juli 2009
Pimp that snack!
If you get bored, and want to create something cool, try this at home :-)
Great Gummi Project 2
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Great Gummi Project 2
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Jesus and the Burglar
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, Clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.” Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to wa rn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses?” the burglar laughed . “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, Clear as a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.” Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to wa rn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses?” the burglar laughed . “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”
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Banzai Harakiri
Famously Stupid Celebrity Quotes
"The most loving thing to do is to share your bed with someone." - Michael Jackson
"I hope my child will be a good Catholic like me." - Madonna
"I'd rather be dead than singing Satisfaction when I'm forty-five." - Mick Jagger
"He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too." - Don King
"Predictions are difficult, especially about the future." - Yogi Berra
"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" - Christina Aguilera
"I've got taste. It's inbred in me." - David Hasselhoff
"I cried over beauty, I cried over pain, and the other time I cried because I felt nothing. I can't help it. I'm just a cliché of myself." - Keanu Reeves
"I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me." - Jessica Simpson
"I'm sounding worse than Jessica Simpson right now. She's looking like a rock scientist." - Tara Reid
"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." - Arnold Schwarzenegger
"I feel my best when I'm happy." - Winona Ryder
"I can do anything as long as I don't have to speak." - Linda Evangelista
"I'm using my brain for the first time in a long time." - Victoria Beckham
"I want to wait to have sex until I'm married." - Britney Spears
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Banzai Harakiri
"I hope my child will be a good Catholic like me." - Madonna
"I'd rather be dead than singing Satisfaction when I'm forty-five." - Mick Jagger
"He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too." - Don King
"Predictions are difficult, especially about the future." - Yogi Berra
"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" - Christina Aguilera
"I've got taste. It's inbred in me." - David Hasselhoff
"I cried over beauty, I cried over pain, and the other time I cried because I felt nothing. I can't help it. I'm just a cliché of myself." - Keanu Reeves
"I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me." - Jessica Simpson
"I'm sounding worse than Jessica Simpson right now. She's looking like a rock scientist." - Tara Reid
"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." - Arnold Schwarzenegger
"I feel my best when I'm happy." - Winona Ryder
"I can do anything as long as I don't have to speak." - Linda Evangelista
"I'm using my brain for the first time in a long time." - Victoria Beckham
"I want to wait to have sex until I'm married." - Britney Spears
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Banzai Harakiri
A note
"So today in the school's parking lot, this big truck was triple parked. So, not being mean enough to actually scratch his truck, I wrote a note that said "Sorry about the scratch" and left it under his wiper. As I was pulling out, he got to his car, looked at the note, and spent like 10 minutes looking for a scratch."
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Banzai Harakiri
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Banzai Harakiri
Eddie Murphy Delirious - Michael Jackson
Eddie Murphy does a piece on Michael Jackson in 1983 in his Delirious show.
Eddie Murphy Delirious - Michael Jackson
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Banzai Harakiri
Eddie Murphy Delirious - Michael Jackson
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Banzai Harakiri
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