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Banzai Harakiri
onsdag 27. august 2008
tirsdag 26. august 2008
Nursery Rhymes we didn't have as kids
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.
Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides
And everywhere that Mary went
The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
..But she didn't wear that one often.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass'
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again..
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.
Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock..
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh shit, it's Global Warming.
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.
Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides
And everywhere that Mary went
The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
'twas split right up the front
..But she didn't wear that one often.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties.
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass'
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again..
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.
Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock..
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh shit, it's Global Warming.
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Flight Of The Conchords - Frodo, Don't Wear The Ring
Psycho... :-) (The Flight of the conchords is a standup-music-group, check them
out on youtube).
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Banzai Harakiri
out on youtube).
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Banzai Harakiri
Top 50 Interview Mistakes
Be sure to avoid these fatal errors on your next big interview!
1. Candidate smelled his armpits on the way to the interview room.
2. Candidate picked his nose in the interview.
3. Candidate said his relative hooked him up with the job.
4. Candidate said she was hung over from hard partying the night before.
5. Candidate said she was on her period.
6. Candidate said he hasn't smoked marijuana in 6 months.
7. Candidate said he hasn't done steroids in the last 12 months.
8. Candidate asked if internal team meetings were neccessary for him.
9. Candidate took out a hair brush and brushed her hair.
10. Candidate flushed the toilet while talking to interviewer during phone interview.
11. A candidate for an accounting position said she was a "people person" not a "numbers person."
12. When an applicant was offered food before the interview, he declined saying he didn't want to line his stomach with grease before going out drinking.
13. Candidate told the interviewer he was fired for beating up his last boss.
14. Candidate said she could not provide a writing sample because all of her writing had been for the CIA and it was "classified."
15. Candidate asked the interviewer for a ride home after the interview.
16. Candidate told the interviewer he wouldn't be able to stay with the job long because he thought he might get an inheritance if his uncle died -- and his uncle wasn't "looking too good."
17. Candidate answered cell phone and asked the interviewer to leave her own office because it was a "private" conversation.
18. Never attempt to lie or cover up any vital information, no matter how important you thought it was for you to conceal the information.
19. Avoid weak or too strong handshakes, minimal or almost no eye contact with the interviewer and slouching when seated.
20. Lack of confidence could be perceived by potential employers as your lack of preparation.
21. Turning up late for the interview and never calling to say you are running late will not give a good impression to your potential employer.
22. Forgetting the follow-up. Make sure to send a handwritten thank-you note or polite email to the interviewer expressing gratitude for his or her time and consideration.
23. Lack of enthusiasm. Show your enthusiasm for both the job and the opportunity to interview for it.
24. Failing to ask questions. Interviews are an exchange of information, and not having questions to ask can reveal a lack of preparation.
25. Do not ever talk trash about anyone in your social or professional circle. This reflects badly on your self image to the interviewee.
26. Never bring up talk on salary at the beginning of the interview. Only talk about salary or your employment package, i.e. remuneration, benefits, etc. They will ask you towards the end.
27. Talking too much. Be careful not to talk over the interviewer. The meeting should be a two-way conversation.
28. Being too modest. Failing to talk yourself up during an interview is one of the most self-defeating mistakes you can make.
29. Dressing down is very bad. If you want the job dress up as the job. Show up in neat, professional clothing, preferably a business suit.
30. Proceed the interview in a serious manner as your potential future boss can sniff out a lazy bee.
31. No matter how obvious you may think it appears - Never, and I do mean NEVER, ask a woman when the baby is due! She might not be pregnant... it's a shoe better left uneaten!
32. Do NOT pass gas!
33. When a recent interviewee was asked what his first impressions of the company were, he said, "it doesn't scream I have arrived." Don't insult the place that might potentially hire you.
34. Do not say "I am fascinated by fire."
35. Don't criticize your former employer!
36. Never tell a joke that may offend someone on the interview team. For instance, a Mexican joke would not be a great icebreaker to someone who is Mexican!
37. Do not mispronounce or forget your interviewer's name...it could lead to a very embarrassing and consequential moment!
38. Do not ask, "What is it that you people do at this company?"
39. You should not tell them that you are planning on taking a day off at least once a week.
40. Do not say, "I wouldn't have lost my last job if nobody had snitched on me."
41. Do not say "How frequently do your accountants audit petty cash? "
42. Do not say "Does your internet access have a firewall that blocks pornographic websites?"
43. Do not say "Does your insurance cover sex-change or gynecomastia operations?"
44. Do not say "How many sick days do you allow each employee before you stop paying them for not being here?"
45. Do not say "Does your company's insurance consider genital herpes a pre-existing condition?"
46. Do not say "How in depth are your criminal background checks?"
47. Do not say "Does your company's life insurance cover suicide?"
48. Do not say "Do you have a random drug testing policy?"
49. Do not say "How long does it take your company's bureaucracy to get around to firing somebody for poor performance?"
50. Do not say "What's your company's policy on severance pay?"
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
1. Candidate smelled his armpits on the way to the interview room.
2. Candidate picked his nose in the interview.
3. Candidate said his relative hooked him up with the job.
4. Candidate said she was hung over from hard partying the night before.
5. Candidate said she was on her period.
6. Candidate said he hasn't smoked marijuana in 6 months.
7. Candidate said he hasn't done steroids in the last 12 months.
8. Candidate asked if internal team meetings were neccessary for him.
9. Candidate took out a hair brush and brushed her hair.
10. Candidate flushed the toilet while talking to interviewer during phone interview.
11. A candidate for an accounting position said she was a "people person" not a "numbers person."
12. When an applicant was offered food before the interview, he declined saying he didn't want to line his stomach with grease before going out drinking.
13. Candidate told the interviewer he was fired for beating up his last boss.
14. Candidate said she could not provide a writing sample because all of her writing had been for the CIA and it was "classified."
15. Candidate asked the interviewer for a ride home after the interview.
16. Candidate told the interviewer he wouldn't be able to stay with the job long because he thought he might get an inheritance if his uncle died -- and his uncle wasn't "looking too good."
17. Candidate answered cell phone and asked the interviewer to leave her own office because it was a "private" conversation.
18. Never attempt to lie or cover up any vital information, no matter how important you thought it was for you to conceal the information.
19. Avoid weak or too strong handshakes, minimal or almost no eye contact with the interviewer and slouching when seated.
20. Lack of confidence could be perceived by potential employers as your lack of preparation.
21. Turning up late for the interview and never calling to say you are running late will not give a good impression to your potential employer.
22. Forgetting the follow-up. Make sure to send a handwritten thank-you note or polite email to the interviewer expressing gratitude for his or her time and consideration.
23. Lack of enthusiasm. Show your enthusiasm for both the job and the opportunity to interview for it.
24. Failing to ask questions. Interviews are an exchange of information, and not having questions to ask can reveal a lack of preparation.
25. Do not ever talk trash about anyone in your social or professional circle. This reflects badly on your self image to the interviewee.
26. Never bring up talk on salary at the beginning of the interview. Only talk about salary or your employment package, i.e. remuneration, benefits, etc. They will ask you towards the end.
27. Talking too much. Be careful not to talk over the interviewer. The meeting should be a two-way conversation.
28. Being too modest. Failing to talk yourself up during an interview is one of the most self-defeating mistakes you can make.
29. Dressing down is very bad. If you want the job dress up as the job. Show up in neat, professional clothing, preferably a business suit.
30. Proceed the interview in a serious manner as your potential future boss can sniff out a lazy bee.
31. No matter how obvious you may think it appears - Never, and I do mean NEVER, ask a woman when the baby is due! She might not be pregnant... it's a shoe better left uneaten!
32. Do NOT pass gas!
33. When a recent interviewee was asked what his first impressions of the company were, he said, "it doesn't scream I have arrived." Don't insult the place that might potentially hire you.
34. Do not say "I am fascinated by fire."
35. Don't criticize your former employer!
36. Never tell a joke that may offend someone on the interview team. For instance, a Mexican joke would not be a great icebreaker to someone who is Mexican!
37. Do not mispronounce or forget your interviewer's name...it could lead to a very embarrassing and consequential moment!
38. Do not ask, "What is it that you people do at this company?"
39. You should not tell them that you are planning on taking a day off at least once a week.
40. Do not say, "I wouldn't have lost my last job if nobody had snitched on me."
41. Do not say "How frequently do your accountants audit petty cash? "
42. Do not say "Does your internet access have a firewall that blocks pornographic websites?"
43. Do not say "Does your insurance cover sex-change or gynecomastia operations?"
44. Do not say "How many sick days do you allow each employee before you stop paying them for not being here?"
45. Do not say "Does your company's insurance consider genital herpes a pre-existing condition?"
46. Do not say "How in depth are your criminal background checks?"
47. Do not say "Does your company's life insurance cover suicide?"
48. Do not say "Do you have a random drug testing policy?"
49. Do not say "How long does it take your company's bureaucracy to get around to firing somebody for poor performance?"
50. Do not say "What's your company's policy on severance pay?"
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
The People Mario...
I dont know if this is propaganda or just some trip from an animator...
People's Mario
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Banzai Harakiri
People's Mario
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Banzai Harakiri
Things I Have Learned from Children
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3 year old child's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (including double pane windows) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush along with the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke (and lots of it).
A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCRs do not eject sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably don't want to know what that smell is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in my town has a 5 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy, however.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3 year old child's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan and tie it to a paint can, it does spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (including double pane windows) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush along with the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke (and lots of it).
A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
Certain Lego blocks will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
Play-Doh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCRs do not eject sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably don't want to know what that smell is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in my town has a 5 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy, however.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
tirsdag 12. august 2008
Please...dont pimp my ride - 2
Not as bad as the previous one, but... no thanks :-)
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Banzai Harakiri
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Banzai Harakiri
Signs...
What the he** did the authority think of here? Is this sign real or photoshopped?
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Banzai Harakiri
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Banzai Harakiri
Correct dresscode...
when you are playing FPS (first person shooters)..and are a girl.
Sadly, you forgot to turn on the webcam....
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Banzai Harakiri
Sadly, you forgot to turn on the webcam....
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Banzai Harakiri
A womans new best friend?
This is what happens when women designs robots...
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Banzai Harakiri
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Banzai Harakiri
mandag 11. august 2008
Plain weird....
Has anybody read this book? Please leave a comment....
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Banzai Harakiri
torsdag 7. august 2008
Telefon Symphony
Some people has way to mutch free time at work...
Amasing Telefon Symphony
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Banzai Harakiri
Amasing Telefon Symphony
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Banzai Harakiri
onsdag 6. august 2008
fredag 1. august 2008
Th4e last happy moment of the day...
one second after this picture was taken...
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Banzai Harakiri
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Banzai Harakiri
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