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Banzai Harakiri
onsdag 25. august 2010
My cat is missing...
This is a link to one of the funniest things I have read on the internett. Its way to big to post in full here, so you'll have to follow the link to see it.
My cat is missing, can you make a poster?
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Banzai Harakiri
onsdag 18. august 2010
Zen Quotes
# Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either; just #$!@! off and leave me alone.
# The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
# It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
# Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
# No one is listening until you make a mistake.
# Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
# Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
# It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
# It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
# If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
# Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
# If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
# Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
# If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
# If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
# Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
# The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
# Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
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Banzai Harakiri
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either; just #$!@! off and leave me alone.
# The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
# It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
# Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
# No one is listening until you make a mistake.
# Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
# Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
# It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
# It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
# If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
# Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
# If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
# Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
# If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
# If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
# Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
# The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
# Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
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Banzai Harakiri
Cyanide please...
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide, please.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed. “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law. I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide.”
The lady reached into her handbag and pulled out a photograph of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
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Banzai Harakiri
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed. “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law. I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide.”
The lady reached into her handbag and pulled out a photograph of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
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Banzai Harakiri
tirsdag 17. august 2010
Point of view...
HER DIARY:
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We’d made plans to meet at a bar and have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, and I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Our conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he remained quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing was wrong. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say “I love you too.” When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About ten minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep—I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.
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Banzai Harakiri
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We’d made plans to meet at a bar and have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, and I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Our conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he remained quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing was wrong. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say “I love you too.” When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About ten minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep—I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.
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Banzai Harakiri
fredag 6. august 2010
How to kill a washing machine
Thanks to Sjanten for this contribution!
(Its get crazy at the end)
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Banzai Harakiri
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