_______________
Banzai Harakiri
tirsdag 23. mars 2010
Are you qualified?
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk.. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’
’Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.
OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.....’
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?
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Banzai Harakiri
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’
’Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.
OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.....’
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?
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Banzai Harakiri
tirsdag 16. mars 2010
Obscure holidays
* Pi Day (March 14, or “3/14″)
* Pi Approximation Day (22 July, or “22/7″)
* No Pants Day (the first Friday in May)
* National Talk In Elevators Day (the last Friday in July)
* National Underwear Day (August 11)
* International Orgy Day (September 3)
* International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19)
* Ask a Stupid Question Day (September 28)
* October Fool’s Day (October 1) (the Southern Hemisphere’s version of April Fool’s Day)
* Mole Day (6:02 on 10/23) (ask a chemist)
* The first Friday the 13th of the year is “Blame Someone Else Day.”
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
* Pi Approximation Day (22 July, or “22/7″)
* No Pants Day (the first Friday in May)
* National Talk In Elevators Day (the last Friday in July)
* National Underwear Day (August 11)
* International Orgy Day (September 3)
* International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19)
* Ask a Stupid Question Day (September 28)
* October Fool’s Day (October 1) (the Southern Hemisphere’s version of April Fool’s Day)
* Mole Day (6:02 on 10/23) (ask a chemist)
* The first Friday the 13th of the year is “Blame Someone Else Day.”
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Selfish smoker
Me: “Can I help you, sir?”
Customer: “A packet of 20 Marlboro Lights, please.”
(I hand him the cigarettes.)
Customer: “Wait, I don’t want these ones.
Me: “Why? They’re Marlboro Lights. Did you change your mind?”
Customer: “No, I don’t want ones with this health warning about cigarettes causing impotency.”
Me: “Ok. Do you want ’smoking harms those around you,’ or ’smoking causes testicular cancer?’”
Customer: “Give me the ‘harms others’ ones.”
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Customer: “A packet of 20 Marlboro Lights, please.”
(I hand him the cigarettes.)
Customer: “Wait, I don’t want these ones.
Me: “Why? They’re Marlboro Lights. Did you change your mind?”
Customer: “No, I don’t want ones with this health warning about cigarettes causing impotency.”
Me: “Ok. Do you want ’smoking harms those around you,’ or ’smoking causes testicular cancer?’”
Customer: “Give me the ‘harms others’ ones.”
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Banzai Harakiri
Must be proud parents...
..or maybe the editor need a little talking to? :)
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Banzai Harakiri
fredag 12. mars 2010
Kiss My Ass in Different Languages
Spanish: Bese mi asno
French: Embrassez mon âne
German: Küssen Sie meinen Esel
Italian: Baci il mio asino
Portuguese: Beije meu burro
Norwegian: Kyss mitt esel
Dutch: Zoen mijn reet
Danish: Kys mig æsel
Finnish: Suudelma minun aasi
Gaelic: Pog mo thoin
Icelandic: Koss minn rass
Croatian: Iscjelivati moj magarac
Hungarian: Csókol az én -m csacsi
Czech: Polibek má osel
Serbian: Poljubac moj zadnjca
Slovenian: Poljub svoj norec
Pig Latin: Isskay ymay assyay
Afrikaans: Soen my esel
Albanian: Puth im gomar
Bengali: Chumu gAdha
Bulgarian: Bulgarian
Estonian: Suudlema minu eesel
Hawaiian: Honi ko'u 'elemu
Persian: Persian
Maori: üngutu taku käihe
Romanian: sarut magar
Swahili: busu. changu kitako
Swedish: kysst min åsna
Yiddish: KUSCHN MEIN EISL
Welsh: cusanu fy asen
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Banzai Harakiri
French: Embrassez mon âne
German: Küssen Sie meinen Esel
Italian: Baci il mio asino
Portuguese: Beije meu burro
Norwegian: Kyss mitt esel
Dutch: Zoen mijn reet
Danish: Kys mig æsel
Finnish: Suudelma minun aasi
Gaelic: Pog mo thoin
Icelandic: Koss minn rass
Croatian: Iscjelivati moj magarac
Hungarian: Csókol az én -m csacsi
Czech: Polibek má osel
Serbian: Poljubac moj zadnjca
Slovenian: Poljub svoj norec
Pig Latin: Isskay ymay assyay
Afrikaans: Soen my esel
Albanian: Puth im gomar
Bengali: Chumu gAdha
Bulgarian: Bulgarian
Estonian: Suudlema minu eesel
Hawaiian: Honi ko'u 'elemu
Persian: Persian
Maori: üngutu taku käihe
Romanian: sarut magar
Swahili: busu. changu kitako
Swedish: kysst min åsna
Yiddish: KUSCHN MEIN EISL
Welsh: cusanu fy asen
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Predictions from the past
Famous sayings from famous people... :-)
Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"But what ... is it good for?"
Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp.,1977
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'"
Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives."
Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
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Banzai Harakiri
Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"But what ... is it good for?"
Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp.,1977
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
Western Union internal memo, 1876.
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'"
Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.
"The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives."
Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project.
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Upps...
roxylucy> omg did i tell you what embarrassing thing happened to me the other day?
hedgab> not that i know of
roxylucy> ok. well, i was visiting my friend in the hospital
hedgab> yeah
roxylucy> and so i was leaving
roxylucy> but in the next room, i noticed a man covered in machinery, shivering.
roxylucy> and i thought that was sad, so i pulled the blanket up for him
roxylucy> and, with his breathing mask on, says, "can you see if my testicles are black"
hedgab> omg really?
roxylucy> i tried to decline, but he looked so frail and desperate
roxylucy> so i checked to make sure no one was looking
roxylucy> and i looked at it and it was just fine
hedgab> haha ok
roxylucy> so i was like, "nope, none of it is black"
roxylucy> and he takes off his mask and says, "can you see if my test results are back"
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Banzai Harakiri
hedgab> not that i know of
roxylucy> ok. well, i was visiting my friend in the hospital
hedgab> yeah
roxylucy> and so i was leaving
roxylucy> but in the next room, i noticed a man covered in machinery, shivering.
roxylucy> and i thought that was sad, so i pulled the blanket up for him
roxylucy> and, with his breathing mask on, says, "can you see if my testicles are black"
hedgab> omg really?
roxylucy> i tried to decline, but he looked so frail and desperate
roxylucy> so i checked to make sure no one was looking
roxylucy> and i looked at it and it was just fine
hedgab> haha ok
roxylucy> so i was like, "nope, none of it is black"
roxylucy> and he takes off his mask and says, "can you see if my test results are back"
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
torsdag 11. mars 2010
You think you got balls? Think again...
If any of you guys out there have ever thought you have balls, forget about it. This is a true story that just happened at a wedding at Clemson.
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming.
To thank everyone for coming and bring gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a gift from him.So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told them to open it.
Inside the manilla envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. (He must have gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them.) After he stood there and watched people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said Screw You, he turned to the bride and said Screw You, and then said I'm out of here.
He got the marriage annulled the next day.
While most of us would have broken it off immediately after we found out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway. His revenge: making the bride's parents pay for a 300 guest wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of friends, family, grandparents, etc.
This is his world, we just live in it.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming.
To thank everyone for coming and bring gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a gift from him.So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told them to open it.
Inside the manilla envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. (He must have gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them.) After he stood there and watched people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said Screw You, he turned to the bride and said Screw You, and then said I'm out of here.
He got the marriage annulled the next day.
While most of us would have broken it off immediately after we found out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway. His revenge: making the bride's parents pay for a 300 guest wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of friends, family, grandparents, etc.
This is his world, we just live in it.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Alternative Dictionary
ADULT
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead..
COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.
INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction .
TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.
and last but not least…..
WRINKLES
Something other people have, similar to my character lines
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Banzai Harakiri
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead..
COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.
INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction .
TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.
and last but not least…..
WRINKLES
Something other people have, similar to my character lines
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
tirsdag 2. mars 2010
Tom Mabe – Telemarketer Crime Scene Prank
This is one of the best phone pranks i have ever heard in my life. This is above hillarious! :-) (its in english).
Follow this link to hear it. Its get wilder and wilder as it goes along...
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Banzai Harakiri
Follow this link to hear it. Its get wilder and wilder as it goes along...
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Banzai Harakiri
CIA Assassin Training
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”
The first man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”
The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
_________________
Banzai Harakiri
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”
The first man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”
The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
_________________
Banzai Harakiri
Facts...
Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.
Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the Combined wealth of the forty-eight poorest nations.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line Would never end because of the rate of reproduction
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (explains a lot, doesnt it?)
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the Combined wealth of the forty-eight poorest nations.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different
If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line Would never end because of the rate of reproduction
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (explains a lot, doesnt it?)
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Making a Baby
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my speciality?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that is a lot!", gasped Mrs Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Then Mrs Smith fainted.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my speciality?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that is a lot!", gasped Mrs Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Then Mrs Smith fainted.
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Pointless Paranoia
(A young man asks for a ticket for an R-rated movie and hands me his ID. I’m about to sell him the ticket when the lady behind him speaks up.)
Lady: “Wait! That picture in the ID doesn’t look like him at all!”
(I look at the ID. It appears he’s been sick since the photo was taken, but it’s clearly the same guy.)
Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m fairly certain that this is the correct ID. Now, if you’d just step up–”
Lady: “No! You can’t sell to someone with a fake ID. He could be a terrorist, for God’s sake! You should call the police!”
Me: “Ma’am, that is definitely not necessary. I am responsible for checking identification, and I–”
Lady: “I need to talk to your manager!”
(I begin to respond, but the guy politely waves me off and turns to the woman.)
Man: “Miss, I have another photo ID here, with a more recent picture. Do you think this matches?”
(He pulls a card out of his wallet and hands it to her. She goes completely white.)
Lady: “Well… um… yes, that’s, uh, fine!”
(She squirms for a moment, then exclaims, “I’ll be right back!” She drops the card and leaves the theater in a hurry. I give the guy his ticket.)
Me: “What was that you showed her?”
Man: “Oh, my handgun permit.”
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Lady: “Wait! That picture in the ID doesn’t look like him at all!”
(I look at the ID. It appears he’s been sick since the photo was taken, but it’s clearly the same guy.)
Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m fairly certain that this is the correct ID. Now, if you’d just step up–”
Lady: “No! You can’t sell to someone with a fake ID. He could be a terrorist, for God’s sake! You should call the police!”
Me: “Ma’am, that is definitely not necessary. I am responsible for checking identification, and I–”
Lady: “I need to talk to your manager!”
(I begin to respond, but the guy politely waves me off and turns to the woman.)
Man: “Miss, I have another photo ID here, with a more recent picture. Do you think this matches?”
(He pulls a card out of his wallet and hands it to her. She goes completely white.)
Lady: “Well… um… yes, that’s, uh, fine!”
(She squirms for a moment, then exclaims, “I’ll be right back!” She drops the card and leaves the theater in a hurry. I give the guy his ticket.)
Me: “What was that you showed her?”
Man: “Oh, my handgun permit.”
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Cosmopolitan...
Whats really in the magazine (the template for all their frontpages).
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
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Banzai Harakiri
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mandag 1. mars 2010
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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Banzai Harakiri
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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Banzai Harakiri
For all norwegians..
Sorry, this one is in norwegian, and its not funny if you dont know about NAV...
A big thanks to Berge for this one
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Banzai Harakiri
A big thanks to Berge for this one
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Banzai Harakiri
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