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Banzai Harakiri
fredag 20. februar 2009
tirsdag 17. februar 2009
torsdag 12. februar 2009
More never-seen childrens book...
Opps.. this is not for small children...
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Banzai Harakiri
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Banzai Harakiri
From online chats...
Debaser - Guys
Debaser - Here is an important life lesson
Debaser - If someone comes up to you while you are eating egg at a mcdonalds
Debaser - And says "You're eating chicken period"
Debaser - Do NOT go
Debaser - "OM NOM NOM, CHICKED PERIOD"
Debaser - And smear it all over your face
Debaser - Thats ANOTHER damn mcdonalds I can't go into
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Banzai Harakiri
Debaser - Here is an important life lesson
Debaser - If someone comes up to you while you are eating egg at a mcdonalds
Debaser - And says "You're eating chicken period"
Debaser - Do NOT go
Debaser - "OM NOM NOM, CHICKED PERIOD"
Debaser - And smear it all over your face
Debaser - Thats ANOTHER damn mcdonalds I can't go into
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Banzai Harakiri
onsdag 11. februar 2009
Sneezing...
A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the
first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue,
gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man becomes more and more curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again. The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, “Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or, are you going crazy?”
The woman replies, “I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a
rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an
orgasm.”
The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, “I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?”
The woman looks at him and says, “Pepper.”
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Banzai Harakiri
first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue,
gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man becomes more and more curious about the shuddering.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again. The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, “Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or, are you going crazy?”
The woman replies, “I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a
rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an
orgasm.”
The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, “I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?”
The woman looks at him and says, “Pepper.”
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
French expressions you won't learn at school
Bring me something to drink or I kill the dog!
About a remark in a conversation, to be completely irrelevant (literally: "to arrive like a hair in the soup")
He didn't beat about the bush (literally: "to attack with a marble in head")
To escape a danger (literally: "to have one's feathers hot")
To have a lot in common with someone (literally: "to have hooked atoms with someone")
To be caught between two stools (literally: "to have one's ass between two chairs")
To be overfed (literally: "to have one's back teeth swimming")
To be scared (literally: "to have the tokens")
To be very full of oneself (literally: "to have one's ankles swell")
To be haunted by a scandal (literally: "to have saucepans hung on the ass")
To do something with very few tools (literally: "with my dick and my knife")
To be lucky (literally: "to have the ass full of noodles")
To always be one step behind (literally: "to be three metros late")
To have a frog in one's throat (literally: "to have a cat in one's throat")
To be tied down (literally: "to have a thread at the leg")
To be lazy (literally: "to have a hair in the hand")
To have a bad scare (literally: "to have a blue fear")
A fat lot of good that does me! (literally: "It makes me a nice leg")
It has nothing to write home about (literally: "It doesn't break bricks")
It has nothing to write home about (literally: "It doesn't break three legs to a duck")
There'll be one hell of a row (literally: "It will shit bubbles")
It's for yours truly (literally: "It will be for my apple")
Ironical: That's priceless (literally: "It is worth its weight in peanuts")
It's in the bag (literally: "It's in the pocket")
That's great (literally: "It is the foot")
That's another story (literally: "It's another pair of sleeves")
Once bitten, twice shy (literally: "A warmed cat fears cold water")
To bum around (literally: "to wedge the bubble")
Get one someone's nerves (literally: "to run on someone's bean")
To discover a secret (literally: "to discover the roses' pot")
Note: This expression does not spell "découvrir le poteau rose" (i.e., "to discover the pink pole").
German-like expression for "solve your problem yourself" (literally: "get out of the shit yourself")
To say contradictory things (literally: "to say everything and its contrary")
To make life difficult to someone (literally: "to give threads to twist")
To give up a riddle (literally: "to give one's tongue to the cat")
Its child play (literally: "the childhood of art")
To be through the mill (literally: "to see some of all colors")
To drive the point home (literally: "to drive the nail in")
To have all the initial problems to put up with (literally: "to wipe the plasters")
To be in a bad mood (literally: "to be of bad hair")
To be dressed any old how (literally: "to be dressed like the ace of spades")
To be dressed any old how (literally: "to be dressed like six-four-two")
His eyes nearly popped out of his head (literally: "he dribbled hat circles")
To state the obvious (literally: "To break down open doors")
To be at a complete loss (literally: "To be like a chicken who has found a knife")
To react slowly to something (literally: "To have a slow trigger")
To solve two problems with one solution (literally: "To do with one stone two hits")
Hypocrite (literally: "fake ass")
Hypocrite (literally: "fake token")
To smoke like a chimney (literally: "to smoke like a fireman")
About a person: small (literally: "tall as three apples")
It is nothing to make a fuss about (literally: "It's no reason for whipping a cat")
Things aren't running too smoothly (literally: "there is water in the gaz")
There is a problem here (literally: "there is a ball (i.e., testicule) in the soup")
To put a damper on things (literally: "to throw a cold)
I will be leaving soon (literally: "I will not make long fire here")
Now we are finally getting to the point (literally: "I see you coming with your big clogs")
Expression of surprise (literally: "the cow!)
To be like a spare part (literally: "the fifth wheel of the coach)
Don't react to a provocation (literally: "to let the merino piss")
To jilt somebody (literally: "to drop somebody like an old sock")
I am stunned (literally: "my arms are falling")
To be a little dumb (literally: "not to have invented gunpowder")
Not to know what to do (literally: "not to know on which foot to dance")
There is no half-measures with him/her (literally: "not to go there with the back of the spoon")
To evade an issue (literally: "to drown the fish")
We are not out of the woods yet (literally: "We are not out of the inn yet")
To blather (literally: "To speak wrongly and crosswise")
Great (literally: "not bitten by cockchafers")
To do something useless (literally: "to comb the giraffe")
Coward (literally: "wet chicken")
To have an argument with someone (literally: "To take someone between four eyes")
Never (literally: "when chickens will have teeth")
To champ at the bit (literally: "to gnaw one's break")
To jump from one subject to another (literally: "to jump from the rooster to the donkey")
To be extremely bored (literally: "to make oneself shit like a dead rat")
To have a tremendous time (literally: "to give oneself heart joy")
To be thick as thieves (literally: "to get along like thieves in a fair")
This is said about a clothing item that looks cumpeled (literally: "to come from a cow's mouth")
Be dead (literally: "to suck the dandelions by the root")
To keep an eye on (literally: "to keep an eye on like milk on a fire")
To have money problems (literally: "to pull the devil's tail")
Far-fetched (literally: "pulled by the hair")
To build castles in the air (literally: "to draw plans on the comet")
About a joke: not to trigger any reaction by the audience (literally: "to fall flat")
Never (literally: "each 36th day of the month")
Of course! (literally: "a little bit, my nephew!")
To count one's chickens before they are hatched (literally: "to sell the bear's skin before killing it")
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Banzai Harakiri
fredag 6. februar 2009
torsdag 5. februar 2009
Excuses....
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31,32, and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
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Banzai Harakiri
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31,32, and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
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Banzai Harakiri
In the kitchen
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'
My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!' Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
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Banzai Harakiri
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'
My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!' Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'
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Banzai Harakiri
onsdag 4. februar 2009
mandag 2. februar 2009
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