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Banzai Harakiri
mandag 29. desember 2008
How to be a dick...
It was another boring Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television (in the hopes that I would be entertained) when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
A girl's voice came over the line.
"Can I speak to Ben, please?"
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number. Of course, it was also a dull evening, even for Indiana.
"I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
Silence on the other end...a confused silence. I had a live one.
"Is this Steve?"
My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.
"Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
"Well...he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him..." she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I must have sounded a lot more like Steve than I had thought.
I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00."
A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"
"The girl he went out with." (I've seen Fletch several times).
"I know that! I mean....who is she?" (She must have seen Fletch, too....Or is that Fletch Too? Whatever..)
"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?"
"Yes...please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. Now would be a good time to call an end to the charade.
"I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"
She exploded this time. "WHO'S JENNIFER?!"
Apparently she wasn't.
"Well...he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry...it was an honest mistake."
"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that ALICE called him and that she's VERY UPSET and that I would LIKE HIM to CALL ME as SOON AS HE GETS HOME."
I smiled and said, "Okay, I will...but Becky isn't going to like this..."
"BECKY?!?!?"
"*click*"
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Banzai Harakiri
"Hello?"
A girl's voice came over the line.
"Can I speak to Ben, please?"
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number. Of course, it was also a dull evening, even for Indiana.
"I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
Silence on the other end...a confused silence. I had a live one.
"Is this Steve?"
My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.
"Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
"Well...he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him..." she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I must have sounded a lot more like Steve than I had thought.
I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00."
A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"
"The girl he went out with." (I've seen Fletch several times).
"I know that! I mean....who is she?" (She must have seen Fletch, too....Or is that Fletch Too? Whatever..)
"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?"
"Yes...please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. Now would be a good time to call an end to the charade.
"I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"
She exploded this time. "WHO'S JENNIFER?!"
Apparently she wasn't.
"Well...he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry...it was an honest mistake."
"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that ALICE called him and that she's VERY UPSET and that I would LIKE HIM to CALL ME as SOON AS HE GETS HOME."
I smiled and said, "Okay, I will...but Becky isn't going to like this..."
"BECKY?!?!?"
"*click*"
_______________
Banzai Harakiri
Price Sticker Placement Fail
hehe, wrong place to place a price sticker :-) (yellow thingie)
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Banzai Harakiri
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Banzai Harakiri
Bubba!
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. "
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?'
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Banzai Harakiri
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. "
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?'
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Banzai Harakiri
tirsdag 9. desember 2008
Bush - One Sunny day in 2009
One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The old man said, “Okay” and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The man thanked him and, again just walked away
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?”
The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow, Sir.”
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Banzai Harakiri
The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The old man said, “Okay” and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The man thanked him and, again just walked away
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?”
The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow, Sir.”
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Banzai Harakiri
onsdag 3. desember 2008
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